The Bombay theory of Peasants.. Part 1

1. You are as good as your deodorant
©Amit Das, Prabhat Prabhakar

Local trains – the lifeline of Mumbai, the highest form of proof Darwin could have offered for his Theory of Origin of Species and Survival of the fittest. Mumbai local follows all rules of civilizations, with every individual standing on the platform being marginally better off than a lactobacillus bacteria in a glass of milk. With innocent people from down-south (like, Phanimitra) not being able to board a churchgate local at 8:30AM from Kandivli station in first three attempts. With people like Ranga afraid of boarding one, just in case their laptop bags are not able to cope up with the peer (or, is it sheer?) pressure!

A. In this Mumbai local, when you are holding on to the metal jacks while balancing yourself in an inhumanly crowded train, the only thing that can save you is either your deodorant, or the deodorant of your neighbor. But then, the neighbor has a right to say – “kya re? bot shaana samjha kya apne ko? Apna soongh, main tere liye scent maara kya?” (What’s your problem mate! You think you’re too smart or something? Smell your own. You think I have perfumed myself for you?).

B. A related theory is that there are three kinds of people in Mumbai local – Idiots (who do not use deodorants and smell their own), Educated (who use deodorants and smell their own) and Wise-Men(who do no use deodorants, but smell the educated deodorant users). What differentiates the wise-men from the idiots is the skill of identifying educated ones!

C. And the final one – The first class and second class compartments in Mumbai Local. The only difference is in the quality of deodorants used. Not a single genius has been able to win the spot the “two” differences” contest!

“Putting your nose in other people’s matter!” isn’t right? Isn’t that what we were taught?

2. In every city I work for four months for the government. But Mumbai is different.
©Sathish Krishnan

In Mumbai, you work for four months for the government, and another four months for your landlord. The remaining four months, you work for yourself and your family.

Applicable to the 30% bracket guys, I often wonder if despite its amazingly conked workplace, all the banks in Mumbai have a low attrition rate only because these banks are ready to pay-up the 5Lakhs deposit needed to get flats in good localities in Mumbai.

There is more.. But, as Mumbaikars would have you believe – there is a charm in mumbai local. It’s the lifeline of Mumbai

About Amit
Conventional, boring, believer, poet, Shayar (to be precise), lover of music, musical instruments, and all that can be called music (theoretically or metaphorically), jack of all master of none, more of a reader less of a writer, arbit philosopher, foolish debater.. and many more such things.. like so many people!

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