Chapter 4: Iti Kaand (The Final Chapter): Boomerang

Finale of the story. Chapter 1, 2 and 3 posted earlier.

******

His head was buzzing. After trying to call Caddy for the last three hours for some work and failing to get through, he had called one of his reports. That’s how he came to know. He immediately checked in on the others. He could not get through to any of them. Sweating profusely, he checked the news articles from the local newspapers online. Four victims identified. Fifth not identified. But the photograph? No mistaking him. And her. All five of them were dead. This couldn’t be a coincidence. He immediately left the office. He felt like puking. But he had to get away. Before anyone noticed. He took a taxi to Marine Drive. On a weekday afternoon, it doesn’t take long to get there.

He had been staring at the ocean for the last eight hours since then. But all he could feel right now was a dark emptiness. And fear. He had gone through all the details a few times over. Finally, around midnight, he felt convinced that his living in a narrow street of Mumbai, as against the others being in different parts of US would make him untraceable. It was easier to track bloody Americans. Serves them right.

He took the last train back. Usually, these trains are deserted. The compartment he picked was quite, and there were 5-6 passengers sitting in different corners of the compartment. He stood closer to the gates trying to get some fresh air. The distance between Churchgate and Andheri can be quite a bit when time is not on your side. The world seems to desert you at Dadar. Or join you. Tonight, it didn’t. By the time, the train inched into the Bandra station, there were only three of them left. As the train left Bandra, the other two had moved closer to each other. For a moment, he wondered if they were after him. They were having a conversation in hushed voices. At Vile Parle they got up. By the time, the train left the station, they were standing very close to him. He could see that one of them had his hands in his pocket. His mind was playing tricks with him. Or not. The limbo can kill you, without really doing nothing. Or, by doing nothing. The train had gained momentum. The two had started necking. He felt comfortable. At Andheri station, he got down. They did too.

He walked hurriedly to catch an auto-rickshaw. Just as he was about to get down at his apartment in a not so dreamy suburb of the city of dreams, his cellphone started ringing. He hated the default ringtone. He did not know how to change it though. He took out his wallet with his right hand as he picked the call from his left hand. He did not recognize the voice at the other end. Just as the voice asked him to, he turned around. He could see two autorickshaws comings. Both of them stopped right behind his autorickshaw. From the first one, the couple from the train got down. They either were a couple that had a fight before they came aboard the train at Churchgate, or there was a price tag. It would be good to know the price tag. The other auto had an old men getting down. Is he the one? How long do I need to wait? “The couple”, the voice on the phone answered the question he did not ask.

His heart skipped a beat. The couple came closer. The man had his hands in the pocket. He could feel his heart beat louder, and the world around him slowed down to a dramatic slow-motion as the man started taking his hands out of his pocket. He was aware of everything. The old man moving towards the main entrance of the building, the red ford escort pulling over in a distance, the security guards sitting by the tiny fire not expecting any visitors at this time of the night, the girl chewing on a gum which had most likely lost its taste if one were to observe the the wider and rhythmic motions of her mouth, and pulling something out of the hip pocket of her faded navy blue jeans, his own autorickshaw about to take a U-turn and the driver bending down to spit on the other side of the road. He wanted to focus on the guy’s hand just as much as he wanted to run inside the building, but something about the twitch in the girl’s eye made him look at her. She was handing him a small piece of paper.

“Money was lost, Money was found.
What goes around, comes around.
1 played 5, but 1 played 6.
5 are dead. Are you in a fix?”

“Gotcha!”, the man said.

Chapter 3: Adi Ityaadi (Etc. Etc.)

Chapter 1 here, and chapter 2 here.

**

Adi had just turned around and left. His lack of bitterness seemed bitter than the anger that the others had felt. She watched him go towards the other apartment down the street. Just as she was about to close the door, she saw another person walk up to the doorstep.

“Found You!”

**

He turned around to leave. Lisa seemed to have left something unsaid. But he neither had the time nor the desire to know. It didn’t seem like anyone else was at home with Lisa. Adi had to hurry. And he hurried. The weather had not changed. The gloomy weather was not helping him at all.
He found 215 soon enough, across the vacant patch of land right next to 214. Just as he was getting inside 215, he thought he saw another man outside 214. He did not pay attention. He went in.
Thirty minutes later, he came out feeling better. He had got the job. Of a driver. Engineer by education. Driver. Seemed about right. As he walked past 214, his eyes followed the door of 214, and it was open. He looked down, to avoid making eye contact. The trickling blood was unmistakable. He traced it back to the door. Lisa was there. Dead. He couldn’t breathe. He stood transfixed for what seemed like an eternity. And then he noticed the guy coming out from the house.
“Gotcha too! Ain’t this my lucky day?”

**

Two men stepped out of a restaurant. As they walked down, they laughed at their shared joke. Happens a lot with people who’ve known each other for over a decade. Their jokes don’t seem funny to the man wearing the flat cap. The man in the NorthPoint jacket seemed to be smiling though. He would have plenty of time to explain/ tell the tales. Both of them, however, knew that they did not have time right now.

“Adi..”

Both of them turned around. Lifelong habit, this.

“Missed me?”, the man wearing the golf cap said.  Three muffled gunshots. Three dead bodies. And a flat cap by the pavement.

**

A cell phone was ringing somewhere. It was a distinct ringtone, the kinds that kids set up on their parents’ mobile phones when they are trying to record their own screams and shouts. He had three kids, most likely. At least, three young voices could be heard. He was a tall man. Wore Ferragamo shoes, swayed as he walked, expensive cufflinks on a custom stitched shirt. The carpet was an intricate Kurdish hand made work, which he had picked on one of his leisure trips to Turkey. He almost instinctively wiped his right shoe at the back of his left leg, arched his back suggestive of lower back disorders, and bent down to pick his mobile. He smiled as he recognized the number. He checked his watch, as he whispered dangerously.

“About time…”

The call lasted thirty seconds. He seemed visibly pleased. The only thing he said during the entire conversation was, “Make sure he knows…”

**

In the shadows of Mount Everest, there are several small villages closer to the India-Nepal border. These borders are so porous, that even the inhabitants don’t realize at times if they are a resident of India or of Nepal. People here will tell you that the mountains have memories. Elephants have long memories. Mountains, longer.

**

 

 

Tomorrow: The Final Chapter (Boomerang)

Cricket Can Be Like That

Long ago, I was working on a difficult project. The analysis had been difficult, the recommendations not too obvious, the storyline not so coherent. One of those engagements where V75 of the deck looks completely different from V01, and quite different from the final version of what is shared with the client. Intense debates happen. All the time.

At about 4 in the morning, we finalized the presentation. After 2 hours of going through pennies and dimes and the lines and the fonts and the colors and the boxes and the flows and words and the sentences, we sent it to the client. We were all sure about the great job we had done. We had couple of hours left to lighten up and get refreshed. We had a plan. And we felt good about it.

First 20 minutes were by the book. It was a good feeling. Then we hit the third insight on the sixth slide, which made us refer to slide 192 of the appendix section. That number was wrong! Shoulders dropped. We all lost a bit of our altitude and attitude. From that point onwards, for the next 1 hour 40 minutes, things were on the tenterhooks. We could not be sure any more. And the client was not sure. They double checked everything. They had a feedback about almost everything. We felt bad. We were not ready to concede our mistake so easily. They were not ready to acknowledge the work that had gone in. Everyone was unhappy. And we get into that mode of well, give us another chance and we will set it right. But some problems are just difficult. Sometimes.

Critics often remind me of clients. They are the gatekeepers of the collective insights, through their (right or wrong) opinions. A mistake, that nudge or that poking of that ball that you should have left, the ambitious loft, the failure to get your act together in the face of crisis, are dissected in every possible way. And if nothing else, the leader. Uneasy is the head that wears the crown.

What did I do when it was all over – I was terribly upset. I got all defensive initially. Angry in a bit. And finally… I don’t remember :-).  I would have liked to remind myself – Shit Happens!

Chapter 2: Adi Kaand (The First Chapter)

Continues from Part 1 here
Note: I had earlier thought of leaving Part 1 as a standalone. But I felt like adding more to it. So, it is no longer a short story 🙂 ).

****************************************************************************************************

“So, you shot her?”

“No. I only agreed that I had good enough reasons. That does not mean I did. I have reasons to lose weight. That does not mean I have gone ahead and done anything about losing weight.”

“Funny?”

“Nah. Problematic.”

“Hmmm… Let me…”

He interrupted, “Let me complicate things for you a little more. There were five of us that night. All of us, potentially, have a motive.”

He hated his pedantic style. “Five? I thought only three…”

“Three were in the city that day. OR, so you thought. Way I see it, you were able to trace three of us. I was sure of the fourth being here as well. Fifth…”, his dramatic pause seemed like an eternity as he picked up the cup of coffee offered to him, took a long swip, and then slowly wiped the foam of his moustache, and slowly spoke, “ is here. Now I know it.”

He took a look around the room. He liked the cabin. He would have loved to have such an office. The large wooden desk, the expensive stationary, the digital photo frame on the right side of the table where he could see the entire family history of the man in front of him (not that he needed to). The ceiling was high enough, and the ambient lighting lit up the chestnut brown and white texture of the room quite adequately. This cabin was a geek paradise. With the exception of a neatly coiled power cable for a laptop vanishing into the recesses of his desk through a tiny carved out hole, he could see the entire room being completely wirelessly equipped. Expensive audio visual equipment, videoconferencing systems, a large LCD television, a zeppelin dock, a 20-inch screen connected to the laptop docking station, a gaming console and a neatly laid out stack of games, a duplex color laserjet printer,…

“Hmmm. And here I thought I was about done for the day. I know you’re not married. So, I don’t think you understand why I need to get out of here. And anyway, why the hell should I care?”. That seemed like his longest rant in many years. To his own ears. Once more, he wondered, how much he had changed in the last three years.

He did not like the interruption of his admiration.
“Well… sadly, you do.”, he coughed. And his voice trailed a little, “ And that’s your problem, not mine. My problem right now, is that you’re holding me up here. And so, let me just add one minor thing Adi.”

“Don’t call me Adi!”

You are a suspect as well. You can act all high and mighty right now with your attempts to trace a few things. But deep down, you know as well as me, that you are one of the five. Had you not called me here today, I would not have met the fifth, would I?  Yes Sir. Now the benzene ring is in place. I wish I could smoke here……. So, what were you asking me then?”, he continued as if he did not hear his protest.

“How did it start that night? I want to know the details Adi. Everything.”

“Funny you’d call me Adi. Far as I remember, there was only one person in our group who’d call me that. I prefer Maddy. Still. To your question though, that’s gonna take some time”

“Now that my Friday is screwed anyway, shall I order more coffee? Or, something stronger?”

“Do you want to do it here? On that, why would you call me to your office?”

“Can you make it work?”

“Can I smoke?

“No”

“Then….. NO!”

“…”

“Lets go get some dinner Caddy. You prefer that, right? From me?”

“From you …. ”

Three hours later, in a quieter corner of a high-street restaurant, two shadows were hunched on a table. In the fashionable dim-light that creates a wall of apparent privacy, a waiter had just refilled a wine-glass, cleared another glass, and replaced it with another – scotch, most likely, and was setting the plates for the main course. Just as the waiter left, he got a glimpse of them. It was difficult to hear anything, but he was sure of one thing. They were smiling. That same smile. He knew what that smile meant. They’d found the answer. At least they thought so.

He smiled.

 

(Coming soon: Chapter 3: Adi-Ityaadi (Etc Etc.))

Short Story: Ittefaq (Coincidence)

He had been carrying it around for the last three years. He had given up all hopes of meeting her. Ever again.

The alley was dark and the fragrance of small town summer rain was hanging in the air. It was a melancholic mix of a green life and urban aspirations, as the smell of burning gasoline mixed with the freshness of wet tropical soil and the sweet smelling leaves of a eucalyptus tree. As he turned into the alley, he was still not sure if this was the alley he was looking for. Looking for Apartment number 215 in a street where houses are not necessarily numbered in a sequential manner or properly (or both) on a day like this was not going to be easy. The thing he knew, though, was that he could not afford to be late. He hadn’t been successful in keeping a single job for the last 3 years. All because he could not be on time. All because he always had a lead that he wanted to check on.

He hurried forward. Someone looking at him from a distance would have found him to be suspicious. The way he was looking at the houses. The way he would walk up to a door, and then suddenly turn around and leave. He seemed anxious, desperate, in a hurry, had unkempt looks, wore a ragged overcoat, sported a rude and partially grayed out beard, and his winter boots had long outlived their utility. But then, there was no-one on the street to suspect his motives.

The property on the right side of the road as he took a left turn at the end of the alley caught his attention. The number was 214. But it wasn’t an apartment. It was an independent house, an odd presence in this apartment complex laden street. His Indian-ness got hold of him, and he decided to knock on the door and see if the residents here knew where 215 was. A habit his father had instilled in him. “Why waste time when you can politely ask?”, he would tell him in his gruff and muffled voice, a sound which seemed distant due to his constant paan chewing, beteljuice filled mouth. Good thing, this was largely an Indian locality. Wondering how he had never picked up that habit of his father, while picking up almost every other trait, he walked towards that house.

He wiped his face as he rang the doorbell. He could hear the footsteps coming towards the door. A lady wearing a gray dress and a pink scarf opened the door. She was in her early thirties.
“Excuse me, ma’m….”, he stopped abruptly in the middle of his mentally rehearsed question, just as he looked up to make eye contact with the lady.
A curious expression was on her face as she looked at him. It was a frown mixed with a smile of recognition. He, on the other hand, had a smile.
“What a coincidence, Adi!!”
“Lisa….”
“I just wanted to tell you….”
“I just wanted to tell you…”, they both stumbled on their confessions, but he continued, “that I love you. And I was there that night.”

His hands were inside his overcoat pocket. He took it out. And as he lifted it in his hands, every thought, every dream, every desire of last three years of waiting came rushing onto him. He could barely breathe. He braced himself.

No-one heard the gunshots. The man in the ragged overcoat turned around, and started looking for 215 again. He needed the job now.

 

 

(To be continued… )*

*T&C apply

Seeta Haran (2012 Edition)

Lady Seeta has just been abducted by Ravana. Ravana used his personal 747 to abduct her, an act he would describe later with as much pride as the counter-espionage stories of some intelligence operatives (once they retire, of course).
Jatayu, Lord Rama’s friend, spy and comrade, had sneaked in as Captain Jatayu on Rav Airways. However, Jats had no real flight time experience nor a valid CPL. He though, had an ipad, and he had pulled the wiki pages on “learn to fly 747 in 5 minutes”. Moreover, the real plan was to crash the craft over the ocean, with the hope that Ravana being a ten-headed imbalanced creature, will find it difficult to swim either free-style or breast-stroke (his heads are a hindrance for most swimming styles, he mused, unless he had learnt the dog style). Lady Seeta, on the other hand, born and brought up in and around Mithila (modern day Bihar) had experience of swimming during the annual flood season, so most likely, she will survive. At least till Lord Rama gets his cruise ship along. Worse case, Life of Piscean Seeta could be the next booker prize winner. Even worst, Lady Seeta’s latest cellphone is waterproof. She was just about showing how she picked it off ebay in an auction. She should be able to call for help assuming she is able to connect with the customer care agent (in time) and they understand what she is looking for (again, in time). Jatayu wondered for a minute whether the IVRs had put such help as part of standard navigation patterns.
In a twist of events, Ravana logged on to facebook from his seat (First Class privileges and all) and saw Jatayu’s status update – “Out to slay Ravana. Wish me luck.”. Ravana immediately liked the status and commented -“Wlcm bk. Itz bn sm tym luvrboy!”. Jatayu saw Ravana’s comment and started blushing immediately, much to the chagrin of his co-pilot Captain Sampaati. “Focus!”, he screamed. Jatayu immediately commented – “Ra.One.. delete the comment. Two. Spell properly. I am a #grammarnazi. Three. Can’t wait to see you. Four. I meant “slay”, not “lay””. Rama and Lakshmana liked Jatayu’s comment. By this time, entire vanar sena was unsure of Jatayu’s loyalties. He seemed like a double agent. At the same time, the possibility of Ra.Two to Ra.Four in 2012 made the Mayan prophecy seem true. It was going to be the end of the world. Sita’s hands were tied, and she wasn’t aware of this conversation. She was totally going to hate it later. She had tried using Siri, but Siri had not yet adapted to her Bihari English twang.

Jatayu’s plan was good, but he left his ipad in the cockpit in a hurry to jump. So, Jatayu jumped off the plane, thinking the plane would crash. But two things went wrong. He asked Sampati to put the parachute on his back. Sampati instead, sensing dange, put himself on his back. “Blimey!” is all Jatayu could manage before crashing heavily on the water and sinking deep.
Ravana, in the meantime, picked Jatayu’s ipad and learnt all about “learn to fly a 747 in 5 minutes” and took control of the ship, put it on autopilot, and tweeted – “Jatayu crashed. I am safe LOL! So mch 4 spel prprly”. Ram tweeted, “-1 RT @Ravana: “Jatayu crashed. I am safe LOL!””. Ravana Replied, “@Ram_Original: Thrz nuthn lyk ‘-1’ on twitter U twat!”
Lakshmana was furious. He started a new meme – #RavanIsGay. People confused it with #RaOneisGay and Ravana became the next Kolaveri/ Wilbur Sargunaraj. Soon, everyone was tweeting about Ravana and the, by now, G.one Jatayu. The big parallel debate led by @BDutt, in the meantime, was – if Ravana and Jatayu are on, then why was Sampaati on top of Jatayu under water?
Ravana grew furios-er. He had this uneasy feeling of coming out of the closet. For centuries that alternate-universe hogwash of Sita not getting violated by Ravana because of some celestial curse was about to be exposed. But he wasn’t a n00b. He immediately tweeted – “I will post my nude pic with @ipoonampandey soon. Hang in there”. Some tricks never fail, he thought to himself.
Rama was besides himself. He knew that he had to win this social media war to get Seeta back. But these were modern times. So, he could not continue playing fair. To hell with the Maryadapurushottam bullshit. Desperate times need desperate measures. He invoked his crown prince status. From his pack of pokemon cards, he pulled out a Kapil Sibal. Immediately, Ravan was censored and taken off air. So much for the 747.
Once grounded, Ravana was as good as that poor south Indian kid with a 16 initials long name (and a cute nickname of Subbu) introducing himself to a glam mumbaichi mulgi.
Vibhisana warned Ravana. “Bhraatr! This is the time to accept defeat and cut down the losses. This is social media and we can always get back at Rama. We will humiliate him. So much that Sita might start to follow you and unfollow Rama. Maybe as soon as 5 minutes later.” All the heads of Ravana LOLed. Meghanaad ROFLMAOed. Everyone laughed, except Kumbhakarna. Kumbhakarna was a laggard. He was still proof reading his blog post about the tragic demise of Tataka and Khar-Dooshan, which he thought will generate a lot of traffic for his blog. And maybe some sympathy for the ruling party at Lanka-Shire. Somewhere, he still hoped to get rich using the adsense thingy he had learnt from a 5 year old blogpost at TechCrunch.

Do they even want to play?

Several years back, when I played competitive sports for the last time, I was still in school. I did not play a lot, but like every cricket playing kid in the country who focused on studies, I truly believed (at that time) that I sacrificed a fledgling cricketing career at that time.
Nevertheless, I was playing the school league cricket tournament back then. When I started representing the school, I was only a fringe player, waiting for someone to get injured or unavailable so that I could get a chance to play. Practice seemed a drab affair and the matches were the real deal. And occasionally I got my chance to play. It were those chances that I wanted to make my own. I knew that I would not be the strike bowler. And for most part, when I was playing the first match ever, people expected me to not bleed runs, rather than take wickets. However, on my part, if I wanted to play the next game sooner, I needed to be better than that. I needed to take wickets and not bleed runs. I was eager. I was tense. I had planned things in my head many a times and things were supposed to work perfectly. And I had no idea who I was bowling to. But as long as I bowl the perfect delivery I would get the wickets. I had a plan.
Except, the plan did not work. The plan was dependent on my ability to bowl a particular line and length with the appropriate amount of turn and flight and drift, and my expectation of what the batsman would do. First over, the plan did not work. For more than one reason. And that’s when I had my first realization. The need to adapt. The second realization came in a little later. You need to setup wickets at times. Its about playing it in the batsman’s head as much as its about planning it in your head. And more importantly, its quite possible that the dude on the other end is going through similar emotions. So, you will get hit. A swallow maketh not a summer. Neither a boundary destroys your career. However, with every run scored off me, I wanted to fight harder. I would sometimes flip into the run saving mode. At other times, I would want to get that batsman out the very next delivery. And I made mistakes. And of the many that I made, there was one that I did not make – I did not stop trying. I did well occasionally, and not so well on other occasions. But I was satisfied. Objectively speaking, I’d not have made a good cricketer, but I was not an unsuccessful one while I played (with all the boxes ticked while I was still playing).
Why am I writing all this today? Because when I watched the bits and pieces of the previous test match at Sidney and the one before that, it seemed like we had a perfect side capable of winning the test matches, but we were not trying. Not hard enough. And I know that’s not a good place to be, if you really want to win. It seemed like I was watching a team going through the motions. I remember a funny window. Gautam Gambhir in the second innings seemed positive, and got a few nice drives and strokes in. And then Dravid was clean bowled. We had a drought after that. For 50 odd deliveries, not a single run was scored. I can believe that the bowling was good (even though the pitch was flat and had nothing to offer to the bowlers). What I cannot believe is that if you want to rotate strike every now and then, you are not able to. Not the kind of batsmen who were on the crease at that point. We sent out a message. That we could be dominated. And we were dominated. Again.
Are we a bad side? I don’t believe it. Is Dhoni a bad captain? I really don’t believe that either. Let the analysis paralysis happen. I actually believe that he is a great leader, and there is more to come from him. Did we play bad cricket? Yes. Individual or collective? Collective.
My saddest observation right from the England series is that our team does not want to be on the field. The matches we won in India were also not because our team suddenly wanted to be there. It was because the other side was playing bad cricket. And with the crowd rallying, sometimes the theatrics kick in when they are playing at home. But, as a team, most of them would rather be at a beach drinking cocktails than be sweating it out. That’s a dangerous mindset. Oversimplifying it, it’s the same feeling that I’d have about going to office every now and then. But oversimplifying it again, I know that once I am on the job, I better be on the job and not elsewhere.
I really don’t see the team coming out of this rut for the next two tests. It will continue in the one-dayers as well. Once we are back home, we will win some. And we will lose some. But this team needs a psychological conditioning more than the athleticism that Harsha Bhogle is recommending. Or maybe, a break. Sometimes, you’ve got to let Lee Germon be the captain.

New Year Celebrations…

Circa 1991, I remember going out on a New Year picnic with my joint family. It was to the nearby “Nursery Park” in Mecon Colony at Ranchi. It was a small 2-3 level park/nursery where some 50+ families from in and around Mecon would come for their New Year picnic/family outing. This was when I was still studying at Central School, and did not have friends in DAV (the school in Mecon, which meant that my chances of bumping into my friends during the picnic were slimmer), though my cousins did.

Back then, new year celebrations meant just that much – barely staying awake beyond midnight watching the line-up of programs on Doordarshan (DD-1) that announced the arrival of new year, celebrating Penaz Masanis and Usha Uthups of the world, really getting awed by Javed Jaffreys break dance, taking blessings from the elders, talking to a lot of friends/ relatives before going off to sleep, getting up at 6 or 7 in the morning and then getting ready for this day long picnic _with family_. Mom and chachis and mausis had to worry about the food arrangements, dad and chachas and mausas about transportation and other logistics, while we kids had to worry about the Bats, Balls, Badminton Racquets, Frisbees, and so on. Somewhere around then, Housie/ Tambola had also gained prominence an end of the day event on many picnics. And also, for these “Nursery Park” picnics, you needed a small permission letter from the park management authorities for having a picnic there. It was event management in totality, with each family being an event management company hosting an event for captive audiences.
The venues would change every now and then. When we got adventurous (or bored), we would pick places farther away, create more logistics problems for ourselves than we could conveniently manage, and go as far as Dasham Fall, or Kanke Dam, or some equivalent thereof. We did not have a car in the family, so it also meant arranging those mini-buses (through “contacts”, because we always planned last minute). But it was always about family, relatives, picnics, eating, playing, talking. The plan never changed. And we all looked forward to it. At least, I did.

This is how it stayed, till quite some time. Somewhere along the (Facebook) timeline, I did my MBA, and started working. And it was around 2006 or 2007 when, for the first time, I was not at home on the night of 31st Dec. That was the first time I was looking for “party venues” and was with friends (usual Inductis suspects – Shumeet, Shilpa, TG, Aziz, Sonu, Sulabh, etc.) on that night. We loitered around and spent some time at this pub/disc in New Friends Colony. It was fun. I remember how we were driving one car behind another because of the heavy fog and extremely low visibility in Delhi. Aziz had just learnt driving and was scared of driving that way, while Sonu was too drunk to remember anything. We went to Khullar’s place. I went back home early morning, and then spent the day with family. We went to Millennium Park that year, I think. On a side note, my Dadaji always looked forward to these New Year picnics and would totally brave the Delhi winters to go to an India Gate or a Millennium Park.
I moved to Mumbai after 2007, and I realized what big deal New Year events are/ have become. Probably, it was the glitter and glamour of Mumbai lifestyle, or probably it was just the fact that I was no longer at home. Or, that, in Mumbai, it’s just painfully difficult to get 5 family branches from different corners of the city to come to a park or something to spend the day together. Anyways, back to the phenomenon of New Year Celebrations (guess it’s time I got that captured in bold and Title Case)

These days, friends would (compete) discuss with each other as they decide their plan for NYC. Colleagues compare notes. Once it’s done and over, Facebook pictures are uploaded/scanned to assess who had the most happening time. Bitching about it, but still going ahead and “like”-ing the pictures and updates, and at the back of their head, without saying a word, planning the next New Year venue OR the next vacation spot. Traditionally, Goa and its drunken druggedness was a favorite. Lately, Lonavla’s farms, Bangkok’s beaches, or if you are a lowly mortal, a 5-star hotel’s celeb night (appearances by a popular DJ, singer, dancer, actress) would beckon you with all their might. Mumbai Times is a full size advertisement of how much you are missing out on if you decide to stay at home. The midnight by itself is another phenomenon. A frown on the forehead, as you miss someone’s call while you were drinking/dancing your way into the next year. A smile when you realize how man smses you have received and a sigh when you realize that you need to reply to them. A dread if you are one of those who spent the night at home (maybe because you didn’t feel like going out, maybe because you didn’t want to go out, maybe because your plans crashed, maybe because you had other plans (like taking care of your baby or someone who is not well)). Tomorrow morning – when people would be discussing what they did the previous night, you won’t have much to say, right?
The New Year day, by itself, is somewhat faded. Because you were partying till about 5 in the morning. Couple of days later, you may get a New Year card that wishes you well, and an intellectual realization that you have stopped sending cards, except to your business contacts. Somewhere in the middle of all this, there would be thoughts about losers who post Facebook status updates as the clock struck midnight. Somewhere, those who are not nearby are lost in the excitement of the night gone past. Somewhere, in the middle of all this, some people would still call us at midnight and wish us. Some old rituals continue. Some die. Some new ones take birth.

Here’s to hoping that this New Year eve/day, whatever you are doing, your heart is in the right place.

Hindi…

ऐसा क्यों लगता है मुझको
जैसे रात सदा रहती हो
पर्दों के पीछे छिप छिप के
दिन से आँख मिचोली खेले
दुनिया पर हंसती रहती हो
जैसे रात सदा रहती हो

ये इक प्रयास है जीमेल के हिंदी वातावरण का उपयोग करना सीखने के लिए. कई बार ऐसा हुआ है की मातृभाषा में सहेजा हुआ सवाल आंग्ल भाषा में अनुवाद के दौरान अपना स्वाद खो देता है. कई बार ऐसा भी होता है की आंग्ल प्रतिलिपि में हिंदी का संवाद ऐसा लगता है जैसे किसी प्रवासी अथवा परदेसी के होठों से बूँद बूँद हो के गिरता बॉलीवुड का एक डाइलोग. शायद ऐसा करते करते वापस वही हिंदी भाषा वापस जीवन में आ जाये जो मेरी थे, मेरी है, लेकिन मौजूगा वक़्त की जरूरतों में दबी कुचली शायद कल मेरी ना रहे.

Movie Review: Bodyguard

Oops! I did it again. Another Sallu movie. Another almost First Day First Show. Well, it was the second show. Yes. At Chandan. Yes, the movie left a few things to be desired. No. The Chandan Experience was perfect.

Before I say something about Bodyguard, let me remind you all that I absolutely enjoyed Dabangg and I did not enjoy Ready at all. So, if you’re one of the purists who cannot differentiate between Dabangg and Ready because apparently they both were trashy movies for you, stop right here. You should not watch Bodyguard. Having got that out of the way, let me also tell you that this movie is going to hit the 100Cr mark, for sure.

Salman’s intro shot in the movie is as interesting as it should or could be. The title song is a wacko with Salman winking and flexing his biceps as the key dance step, Katrina Kaif making a customary item song presence through the song. Immediately after, Salman gets into gravity defying stunts and action sequences which are so unreal that you cannot but fall in love with the dude. As greatbong pointed out in his Singham review, there are only two people who can pull that kind of stuff – dhai kilo ke haath wale sunny paaji, and maine ek baar commitment kar di to wale salman bhai.

Then, with almost a pitch perfect beginning, something seems to fall apart. Which is, that Siddique decides not to continue with the same over the top treatment of the movie. Rather, he decides to put in emotions, drama, college fun, etc. He decides that he will let Kareena (Divya) play a prank on the superstud bodyguard. She has a preachy friend by her side. Salman has been given a ridiculously fat Rajat Rawail as a comedian flunky. Why on earth do you need a comedian flunky if Salman is already there? His earnestness while doing the most ridiculous scenes makes up for all the comedy I ever need out of his movies. Remember the “tera hi jalwa” ringtone based fight sequence in Dabangg. Yeah. That one.

Kareena gets all emotional while Salman continues to carry the movie on his shoulders. Rajat Rawail kills the sense of humor of the movie with his weight and cheap humor, while Salman continues to carry the movie on his shoulders. Raj Babbar and Asrani ham the crap out of the movie, while Sallu carries the movies on his shoulders. And in between (before the interval) and towards the end, there are two more extremely endearing fight sequences. The kinds where one of the bad guys is kicked hard and while he is still in the air, two more bad guys are punched, only to allow Sallu some more time to crash kick the first guy again. Awesomeness! Aditya Panscholi does his friendly hamming. Mahesh Manjrekar too. All the usual masala. Couple of songs booted here and there, which are working, but are not in the league of Dabangg music (or usual Himesh Reshammiya music). Rahat Fateh Ali Khan is there. Mika too. Shreya Ghoshal too. All boxes ticked.

Towards the end, is where the surprise really lies. Usually, you expect a grand fight with Salman resulting in massive disaster for the bad guys. In this movie, that happens. And then some shit happens with Salman. I will not reveal the mega plot twist. But that mega plot twist itself makes the movie a massive torture in the last 10-15 minutes of the movie. See it to believe it.

Back to Chandan Experience – Movie was supposed to start at 12:30. Did not start till 12:50 or so. In those 20 minutes, there were die-hard fans trying to break the door open (to Chandan’s credit, the doors are quite durable), brought the large size movie hoardings of Bodyguard and Mere Brother ki Dulhan to ground before tearing them into pieces, whistled, cat-called, hooted, booed. And then the door received the loudest ever cheer for opening, that any door might have received ever. At that time, the end credits of the previous show were going on, but the enthusiastic crowd did not mind cheering Salman in the goofiness based end spoilers either. Every song, there was an “interactive” crowd that would take off their shirts, or start dancing in the isle. At the end, there were a bunch of 15 odd kids that climbed the screen area and decided to showcase their Sallu bhai dancing skills right there. Before the show, we also spotted a dude who’d come in Sallu bhai getup (shiny black coat with sunglasses and the whole drill from the Desi beats song), and was getting himself clicked in style in front of a Mahindra Xylo. Life, as they proverbially say, was good.

EndView – Not bad. Not great either. I’d prefer a Dabangg over this. The elitist reader base of this blog would most likely not like the movie. But then, who cares. The movie’s going to make another 100Cr+ for Bollywood. By the time Salman is done with another few such movies, including Dabangg 2, the debate about who’s the biggest “Star” would be settled. Aamir needs script. Shahrukh needs senti, dialogues, script, and a whole lot of marketing. Salman, though, needs only himself!

Dilli.. and the love for horan

I am sure about this.

Someday, I will see a resume in my mailbox. Someone from Delhi. With "Other Interests" being "Honking", OR, "Extracurricular Activity" being – "Honked non-stop for 37 minute 23 seconds. To be featured in Limca Book of Records, subject to verification".

I can imagine the lengths that dude (or dudette) would go to if asked probing questions about this hobby of his (or her).

"Ji.. ik dafe ik marutti wala saaid ee ni de raa tha. maine vi vo horan bajayee, vo horan bajaya, bhai ki aulaadein bhi ab mere saamne nai aani ji".

"Sometimes, you are in a real hurry. And you see a traffic jam that’s half a kilometer long. I mean, what can you do? Really, what really can you do? So, I starting honking. Did anything change? NO. Did I feel better? Yes. Damn right I felt better. And you know what. Within 30 seconds, there were at least fifteen other cars that started honking. I am sure they all felt better. That was one instance where I showed true leadership."

Perseverance is a strength. So what, if it’s mindless.

Musings: The Morning After the Blasts (13 July 2011)

We are the children of a comfortable generation. We sit in air-conditioned offices and houses, and we have quips for everything. And excuses too. And it includes me. And it includes you, reading this and making faces.

Around me, there is a lot of ranting. I don’t relate to it. Not much. Not anymore.

Though I liked the crowdsourcing effort that happened yesterday. Where individuals pledged help on a spreadsheet. I’d be curious to know if people were able to reach out to them and avail of the help. Financially, emotionally, locationally, whatever. My fear is that #here2help is a noble notion, but a rather useless one. I tried signing up. Someone a lot more cynical than I can ever be, had already shown (via @nithinkd) why he deserved to be spanked at the age of three, and why his parents should be sorry they didn’t do it then.

My cynicism has turned a new page. My resolutions today have nothing to do with the society. They only focus on me. Why? Because I don’t think I will compromise myself for others. While I am comfortable, I may host 4-5-15-20 other people at my place. So, I can sign up. If I actually do get 15-20 people over, I don’t know what I will offer. Do I even know the right words to say beyond – “I am sorry for your loss”?

It’s all momentary zingoism. You feel sorry for the grieving while you are not one of the grieving ones. If you are grieving, your grief is bigger than the social crisis. You want revenge. And that revenge has no desire to make the world a better place.

If you are safe, you want better systems because you are afraid you could have been on the line. Or, that you will be on the line tomorrow morning. Because, tomorrow morning, you would walk out, get drunk and debate about why you should not be allowed to drive a car and run someone down. Or, jump a light because you are in a hurry to get somewhere. Or, cut lanes. Or abuse someone because he doesn’t seem as smart as you think you are. Or, show utter disrespect to your parents because they just don’t get it. Or, think that you deserve a better salary because that fat lame idiot is getting it. Because, it’s about you.

Morality is the weapon of the enlightened who have not suffered a personal loss. At least, not recently. Several years of rationalization makes your personal revenge seem like a social goal. Eradicate this because it affects the nation, kinds. If it’s not true, then I have found God.  Forgive me for all my sins.

 

(Images courtesy: searches on images.google.com. Credit to the link owners. )

Chillar Party: The Premiere, The Evening, and The Movie Review

Thanks to @narendodi, Missej and I landed at the premiere of Chillar Party today. That, I guess, was about the only right thing about the evening. Missej had been fighting multiple fires at work. I had an important call right in the middle of the screening of the movie. Missej’s office was reminding her of the favour they had done to her by letting her watch the movie.

Now then. This is the first time I was attending a movie premiere. So, bear with me my ignorance of how it all works. There were multiple shows of Chillar Party running sequentially, with different types and layers of guests being invited for them. The big one was later in the night where all the big celebs would have come. The show before us had a special screening for kids from various NGOs. The show we were attending had a lot of B-listers – the friends, wives, girlfriends, inspectors, et al from movies. So, we spotted Rajeshwari (Sachdeva), the chick who played Rajeev Khandelwal’s wife in Shaitaan, the bribe taking cop of Shaitan, the other girlfriend of Jaane tu ya jaane na (Manjari?), lots of small time villans (the londry villain of Delhi Belly, etc.). Of course, we saw Sohail Khan welcoming most of the important guests personally, and the kiddie star cast of Chillar Party who did their ho-ho at the beginning of the movie. The drinks and snacks were on the house (meaning you could have the chicken burger or popcorn served at PVR for free). And so, we cribbed about our respective lives and went in, picked comfortably placed seats closer to the isle, considering we were sure about not watching the whole movie.

I will come to the movie in a bit. But here is what happened to us. At 8:25, intermission happened. We walked out of the theatre. I dialled onto the conference call I was supposed to attend at 8:30 (yes, one of those where you dial a toll-free number and no, not one of those where you just dial in, put yourself on mute, and act as if you are doing something important). I promptly punched the passcode, put the phone on mute while I continued walking out of the theatre, and put the Bluetooth dongle in my ear. I could not hear anything. Not even the usual music that you hear while the host hasn’t opened the conference. I looked at the phone. I couldn’t see anything. And I realized. Shit! Phone’s battery had run of juice. (Someday, I will write a post about how many important occasions the smart-phones cannot smartly save juice for). I turn to missej. She seems stressed. I ask her – where’s your phone? She replies – I have given my office fellas your number to call in case my phone dies. I look at her incredulously. She continues – why do you ask? My expression changes to helplessness. I still take her phone. Mumble something incoherently. And see that her battery is down to zero as well, though not dead. And she is solving CEO level shit. I pray to the heavens. I send an SMS to a trusted lieutenant asking him to carry on with the charge and message me on missej’s number should something go wrong. And by then, we are outside the theatre. Missej, amidst all the fireworks going on in her corporate life, decides to shop for clothes at Shopper Stop. We do that. She notices a lot of clothes while trying to resolve some high level fiascos, on the phone. I notice more and more modernly dressed rich/ pretending to be rich uber cool people go to the theatre for that all important celeb release. We leave through the front door. Get to the valet parking. See an orange convertible Audi with a UP number plate. See bunch of BMWs and Mercs and LandRovers and what nots. And with all the big cars, there is a mini-traffic jam outside. One ways have become reverse one ways. Etc. Etc. We drive back home. We both put our phones on charge immediately after reaching home. Furiously reply to a few emails that we think are super important. Attend calls. Take stock of world. Lie down on our back. Think we are very important. And get ready for the next round.

Chillar Party : The Movie Review

It won’t be fair for me to review it in totality since I only saw the movie till the intermission. But the summary is that I liked what I saw. Disclaimer – it’s an out and out kid movie. So, if you’re a grown up who does not enjoy those movies, then stay away. With me, you know how it is. My mental age is on a reverse cycle already, while my body shows all signs of wear and tear.

The bunch of kids in the movie – Phatka, Janghya, Akram, Encyclopedia, Silencer, Panauti, Aflatoon, etc. have all acted very well. Bunch of very likeable kids who do things the way kids would. Do not go on long preachy missions. And are easy to soften and quick to gang up. The story has its intentions right. Middle income colony with kids in a certain age group getting attached to a car cleaner boy and his dog, and some twists here and there. There are funny moments. Some of the dialogues are quippy in a childish way. And the movie goes along nicely. Even the oldies’ support cast does not destroy the movie. Hardly any songs to notice in the first half. Merged well in the background.

But for the situational errors, I’d have watched the movie. I believe it has great potential to be a successful TV movie – one that you will find frequent re-runs of on different channels. It might end up being a My friend Ganesha equivalent.

Would I have gone to the theatre to watch the movie? Unlikely. Am I asking you to? Maybe. You could. It’s not a waste of time like several other movies (I am reminded of Bheja Fry2 and Double Dhamal and Tees Maar Khan). But it’s not a movie that my peer demographic would probably relate to. It’s definitely a movie that tier 2 cities should relate to a lot more. But if you have done your rounds of the movies you wanted to see, and are still looking for something more to watch – its not a bad bet. It’s a 3 on 5 movie for me.

I see the wind blowing

Sometimes,
Sitting inside an airconditioned cubicle,
As I look beyond the tinted windows
I see the winds blowing, I see the trees dancing with joy
And a silent voice reminds me
Of the sun, the humidity, the pollution

The longing doesn’t subside

I see the irony of my quest,
Of happiness, satisfaction and things like that

Movie Review: Shaitaan is a very well shot film. Go, watch it.

The name of the Director is Bejoy Nambiar. But, the movie is stamped with Anurag Kashyap all over. Not just the narration and the screenplay, but the visual treatment of the movie as well. Some extremely creative use of background score, rapidly zagging camera work, dark shots, shots in slow-motion, and some insane music. It almost feels like Anurag Kashyap is continuing with his ode to Tarantino, having taken a pause after Dev D.

I loved the movie. The premise is simple, but not so frequently touched in bollywood. Spoilt brats high on life and high on dope making a mistake which comes back at them in a multi-fanged manner, and some of them (the more spoilts ones) keep adding mistakes over mistakes, and in the end its an unresolvable mess (almost). Somewhere in the canvas is a righteous cop having a tough time adapting to the system, and another one who uses the system to his advantage. A commissioner who cannot but depend on the volatile righteous suspended cop for getting him out of the mess, and a cop friend who is right in just about the right balance. Since I am not here to tell you the story, I would leave it at this.

What makes the movie stand out is the visual narrative. Right from the initial sequences, and the pace at which a social misfit finds her group of homies, the baap ka paisa gang and their antics, rave parties, etc., to one of the most well shot sequences running a brilliant remix of yesteryear’s Khoya Khoya Chand in the background, and two parallel narratives on the screen running on slo-mo. I can almost feel like I have seen such a scene in an English movie before. But then, that does not take the execution credit away from Bejoy and Anurag. It’s a scene that will be run on loop many times by many people.

The ending leaves you with a bit of a cheated feeling. You wanted it to be a little more crisp than it was, but saying any more will risk revealing too much. Go and watch the movie and let me know what you think.

The acting department delivers. Rajeev Khandelwal as the estranged cop is brilliant. So, is Neil Bhoopalam as video gaming trying to fit in the group rich boy. Neil is becoming one of my favourite theatre-to-cinema actors these days (have you see Hamlet The Clown Prince? All in one? No One Killed Jessica?). Shiv Pandit and Gulshan Devaiya are well cast. Gulshan (KC) comes across as a spoilt brat with no regards for anything, but only till nothing goes wrong. Shiv as Dash is a revelation, playing a very restrained act. Kalki is fine. Not great, but not bad either. She needs to work on her hindi diction rather quickly though, if she wants to play a long bollywood inning. She might end up a Kangna Ranaut otherwise. In fact, the little girl playing Kalki’s childhood version deserves a mention, and so does the lady who plays Kalki’s dead mother. I have seen her in several plays (including Vagina Monologues), and she continues to impress me. In fact, Neil, Kalki’s Mother in the movie, Rajit Kapoor, and the guy plays Inspector Mawalankar are all good theatre actors, and its good to see AK giving them a chance. Rajat Barmecha (of Udaan) gets a little cameo as well.

Music is worth highlighting. Right from the excellent remix of Khoya Khoya Chand, to Pintya, Josh, Zindagi and several other background tracks (instrumental ones) used across the movie. Ranjit Barot, and Prashant Pillai should walk away with the best background score for this movie.

Movie has some quippy dialogues as well – kuch dost aise hotein jinhe aap raaat ke do baje bhi phone kar sakte hain, aur kuch dost aise jinhe aap sirf raat ke do baje hi phone kar sakte hain.

I will go with a 8 on 10 for this movie. Very well shot and executed, great music and background score, and some good acting. The only let down is the editing, which could have stripped about 15 minutes from the movie. Go watch it.

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